As I’m putting forth the final effort into repairing, painting and cleaning my house for sale, I wish I would have sold it for cash. Last fall right after I signed with a realtor, I learned I needed a new roof. That was not in the budget. I had gone through a lot of material stuff giving it away or packing it up and thought I was ready to move on. What I did not realize is I also had to go through a lot more mental, emotional and spiritual stuff too.
I did not chose my house, my ex-husband did. The house was not my style at all, however I loved it at first. I thought I would be living here happily married for many years. Now I have some insight into why the house repairs triggered some intense emotions. Many of the things that went wrong with the house were metaphors for our relationship in my mind. I thought I had processed it all, but it was good to do more healing there.
Right before I moved in my strong grandmother had passed on, she raised me. I had a lot of her stuff in the garage. She had a lot of my mom’s stuff since my mom died way before my grandmother. I did not get closure as my mom died suddenly. I found letters others had written to her when she was in a treatment center for alcoholism. I saw an amazing side of her helping others that was unknown to me. Again I thought I had processed all that grief but I had not. By being here longer, I had time to go through more cards and letters and gifts that were precious memories of the the two women who had the most influence on my childhood.
I have pretty actively been working on selling the house for three years. Some new repair would be needed and for the outside stuff I would run out of runway for fixes before winter. Frustration in this process was mitigated with a lot of meditation and breath work. I can now see I needed more closure on a lot before I could sell. I was ready to pack up the memories and move them to a new place without doing some needed processing.
“Healing is not healed.
Numbed is not healed.
Healing takes time.
Healing takes patience.
Healing takes love.
Healing sometimes triggers anger or sadness or sorrow or guilt or regret.
So we make up that healing is wrong, useless and to be avoided
And we head back to numbing
And look for love and connection
With the numbed and suppressed, unaddressed and repressed…
Give space for the damage
Give space for the healing
Let the healing begin and begin and begin………”
― Dave Rudbarg
If you have areas where you feel you still need closure consider this article from Psychology Today. Click here